I get asked this question a lot. And even if I don’t get asked it to my face, the other person is always thinking it. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” “Who the fuck does she think she is?” So, to all of you who are asking me that question, or are silently thinking it in your pea brains, read on.
Who the fuck do I think I am?
Well, let’s see. I am a woman. But not just any woman, no. I’m not your average ordinary woman. I am a woman. I have a body to die for and a mind of my own and opinions for every situation and scenario. I am a woman who can rock heels the same way I can rock sneakers. On a dress that shows off my legs. I walk like a dream; like I am the most beautiful thing ever. I am a woman who loves to twirl and swish her hair with confidence and can walk into a room like I fucking own it. No, I don’t need your permission to enter, or exit. Neither do I need your permission to offer a suggestion, make a statement, share an idea and question your inability to think. I don’t even need permission to wear the brightest shade of red to a boardroom meeting; or to get up and walk out because I honestly have better things to do.
I am the naïve childlike enthusiast who is always excited and brimming about chocolates, clothes, colours, people, projects and trips. I will squeal with excitement and jump with joy; I will snort while laughing and roll my eyes at your boasting. I will continue to drink huge cups of tea and make terribly toxic drinks. I over think people and overestimate my confidence. I will flash my toothy grin in your face every single time because it’s a free world, I can, and why not? I will let the glitter reign down all over me and bask in the sparkle while you look on with that look on your face that suits you so well. Did I tell you ugly suits you? It’s your soul, honey.
I am too honest for your hypocrisy and too nonchalant for your judgment. I am too frank for your diplomacy and too upfront for your backbiting. I am what I am. What you see is what you’re never getting because you probably don’t deserve it anyway. I speak my mind and show my heart. I am not afraid to tell you how I feel about you and I am not afraid to tell you what I think, or don’t think about you. I am not afraid to call a spade a spade and a joker a fucking clown. I tell it like it is and like I feel. I do as I please and how I see fine. I will act on impulse and speak on instinct. Try shutting me up and see if I listen.
Don’t tell me how to talk, act or sit. Don’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t be saying or doing. Because I’ll tell you then that it’s none of your fucking business. Yes, I use the word fuck. A lot. Yes, I will use the word fuck all over you! Try stopping me.
I am the woman with a passion and a fire and a will to change the world. I am the woman who gives a damn about her career and gives no fucks about what you think. I am the woman who works for what she wants and gets whatever she wants because she deserves it. I am the woman who pays her own bills, buys her own clothes, takes herself out on dates and loves looking at her reflection in the mirror. I am the woman who will never need a man. I am the woman every man wants; only a few can really have. I am the woman who decides who, when and where. I am the woman who calls the shots and always has a choice. I am the woman who will always put herself at the top of her priorities because baby, I’m worth it. I am the woman you will love to hate but can never ignore.
I am the woman who is going to be running the world one day because I’m too busy minding my own business while you’re snooping in it. I am the woman who is most likely to be your boss in the future and you’re going to hate it anyway. I am the woman who can turn everything on its head because I want to and I can. I am the woman who will never be a total bitch but push the wrong buttons and I’ll show you what a total bitch can do.
Who the fuck do I think I am?
I am a woman under no obligation. To you, or you, or you. I owe you nothing—no explanation, no reason, no change, no thanks and definitely no apologies for being whoever the fuck I want to be. I will walk like the world is my runway and you’re the backstage janitor. I will sit like I’m queen of the world and you’re the floor that my robe is sweeping. I’ll talk like I know everything because honestly, I do know a lot more than you. I behave like I don’t give a damn because, frankly my dear, I really don’t.
So, in response to your question, I think I am the real fucking deal and the best damned thing to ever happen.I am the most beautiful unicorn you have ever met. I am a sass Mama, the devil-may-care-ass-kicker and the most defiant badass bubble blower ever. And most importantly, I am unfuckwithable.
That, my dear, is who the fuck I think I am.
You’re going to hate me. But, honey, you’re going to love it.
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