When your friend just broke up, you should know that she’s a wounded soul. She needs warmth, a hug and even brownies. What she doesn’t need is constant badgering from friends who are ‘trying to help’ but, with all sincere regard, are actually doing the opposite of help. These are some of the suckiest things people can get ever with saying. And if you’re saying any of these things to your friends, go die!
1. ‘Men Are Like That’
I don’t know how many times people actually get away by saying stuff like that. Okay, so maybe that’s just how men are. Maybe they’re scumbags and players – all of them. But the last thing a girl who just went through break up with a guy she was in love with, needs is for friends to tell her that the man she was with, was actually a jerk and that’s the only reason why he did what he did. Unacceptable. For one, I don’t care if he was the real deal or not. The fact was that we were together and it felt real. So, saying that’s just how men are wouldn’t help move a hair on my head. Secondly, just because he’s a guy does not mean he is a jerk. True, that there are about .5% really genuinely good guys out there. But that doesn’t mean the one your friend was seeing was Satan’s own son! There are always other reasons – many. Men get scared and confused just like women – we’re all human. Plus, by pointing out that ‘men are like that’, you’re really only giving a very lame and pathetic excuse for a guy and, honestly, it’s an insult to your friend’s situation. It shows that you’re either not interested in listening to her and so you jump to the easiest conclusion which may not even be entirely true, or you’re really just plain dumb!
2. ‘OMG We Broke Up, Too!’
Honestly, that does nothing; I repeat – NOTHING – to help. And, it certainly doesn’t make you best buddies. Plus, you don’t look like you broke up, or at least you don’t care. But, she does! The point is this: She is heart-broken, her eyes are red and her face is swollen with all the crying. And all you can think of is how you’re both stuck in the same situation…? No two situations or problems are the same. Your reasons for breaking up with your boyfriend are not the same as her boyfriend’s (ex) reasons for breaking up with her. It’s that simple. Plus, what I’ve noticed is, some friends try to play this card just so you feel like, ‘Oh look, I’m not the only one with a problem’, and then you feel a little guilty that you’re howling your eyes out while your friend is talking about it. You should know that we all have different ways of dealing with our own problems. And just because you don’t feel it’s important enough to cry about, doesn’t mean your friend should feel the same. We are all different. But, most of all, she doesn’t need to feel guilty about anything anymore than she already does. So give her a break. She’s a mess and she deserves someone who at least understands that, even if they don’t get it.
3. ‘Honey, There Are Bigger Problems in the World.’
So? Okay, so I get that World Hunger, Global Warming, and the Apocalypse lie ahead of us. But, what I don’t understand is how those things are supposed to make me feel better. This is definitely not even the last thing you should be saying to your friend. She doesn’t care about the world’s bigger problems right now and she damn well deserves not to! It’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes, and when you’re hurt and injured and you feel lost and lonely, you can and you need to shut the world and its problems out because no matter what you do, caring about the apocalypse and World peace is not going to make you feel a tad bit better about anything! ? If you’re trying to put across a point that the world has bigger problems to deal with than a ‘petty’ break up, you are not her friend. And if you can’t be a friend, get out of here! But, don’t be so ruthlessly bitter!
4. ‘I Always Knew It Would End.’
I mean, seriously?! Are you even human? You do not say this, no matter what you mean! Your friend needs you to hug her and give her brownies. Don’t rain on her parade; she has no parade! Your friend just lost something she believed in with all of her heart. You, saying something like, “I knew this wouldn’t work out”, or “This was bound to happen”, is like telling a five year old Santa Clause doesn’t exist. And quite honestly, that’s not true either! You know what it feels like to your friend when she hears these words come out of your mouth? It feels like, somehow, because you thought that way, it led to a break up. It feels like you jinxed it from the very start. She will feel worse because it’s like being betrayed, all over again. She doesn’t need it right now. Or ever. So save it!
5. ‘Everything Happens For a Reason.’
Under two circumstances, you shan’t ever say this: While paying condolences to people at a funeral and to your friend who’s relationship just died. I mean what could you possibly be trying to convey here? Did she bring this upon herself? Of course, all you’re doing is trying to make her feel a little better; a bit more hopeful. But this is not how you go about it. Instead, try something like “Don’t worry, you’re going to be okay”, “Stay strong”, and stuff that actually feels like it makes sense. For maximum effect, envelop your friend in this huge bear hug. But, mean it.
6. ‘There Are Other Fish in the Sea.’
Trust me, if your friend wanted the other fish in the sea, she would not be hurt and crying. So, think before you speak. Maybe sometime, sooner or later, she’s going to come around. But, that time is definitely not now. Right now, all she can think about is the fish that got off the hook. She wants the same one back; not any better fish. So, unless you can get her back that very same fish, don’t tell her about the other fish in the sea. Chances are she’d been blowing them off for her fish. So don’t add to her troubles.
7. ‘Keep Yourself Away from Love and Romance.’
Or something along the lines. Many times, people tend to say stuff like, “I keep myself away from getting attached. That way you can’t get hurt.’ Here’s the deal about that: If you’re trying to tell your friend to follow suit, it’s not happening. Just because you choose to do something that you feel is superior and smarter than what she chose does not make you any less stupid. Love and relationships aren’t a planned affair. So, don’t make it sound like she got herself into this mess. If anything, she’s a whole lot braver than you’ll ever be because she isn’t scared of putting herself out there and taking the plunge. So, instead of giving crappy advice that makes her want to bury herself some place you can’t find her, appreciate her effort and just be there for her.
… And in times, when you don’t know what to say, besides these disastrous lines and other lines that stink worse than a skunk, stay quiet. It’s a whole lot better than saying something stupid that you wish you hadn’t said or she wishes she didn’t hear.