I often wonder, more often than not, ‘What becomes of relationships?’
There are so many different types of relationships. So, how do you know where you stand, and where you’re headed? It’s a task!
I, for one, have never been able to see that far ahead. So, I often find myself rushing in, just so I can find out, so I can know, what lies ahead. And that’s actually the worst part because the rushing causes the entire foundation of the relationship to crumble. But, I do it, without fail every single time. However, it’s a lot more in control, today, than it was the last relationship ago.
I’ve had a string of flings, as I like to call them. Why? Well, it’s simply because, I never grew that close, never could become attached and never wanted to get too involved, either. However, my curiosity certainly killed a lot. Curiosity does that. While it’s good in the bed, it isn’t so good in a relationship (to a certain extent).
Due to my perpetual curiosity, I often, rushed not just me, but also, the other person into things. Mind you, this was not because I wanted in for the long haul; quite contrarily, I just wanted to know what was going to happen once we got to a certain future point in the still nascent relationship. It’s like the goose that laid one golden egg, everyday. The farmer thought, if he cut open the bird, he’d have all the golden eggs, in one go. But, unfortunately, that was not the case, because a goose will only lay one golden egg a day, and so, when you become greedy and want all the golden eggs, in one go, forever, you kill it, quite literally so and the pun is, absolutely intended!
Having made myself quite clear with that point, yes, I move on.
The bone of contention here is my curiosity.
Yes, curiosity can help garner and foster a lot of feelings in a relationship, but, if overused, it can kill your relationship, slowly. I don’t, even, need any kind of relationship counselor or psychologist to verify this fact, I’m that clear.
Curiosity helps, initially, when you are getting to know the person. But, then, you have to know where the curiosity should stop or just mellow down, a bit. I pity all my like-minded friends, out there who are facing the exact problem. It’s like a bad habit – worse than smoking. Smoking doesn’t kill your relationships; it just kills you. Curiosity on the other hand, kills your relationship and kills you also, because you’re just curious and you can’t help it. Is anybody following?
I remember how one of my exes went to the extent of calling me Sherlock. Initially, it was just because I was curious in bed – with BDSM, threesomes, and all kinds of innovative positions (sexually, there’s just so much to explore). Later, it was because I was just generally curious. I always wanted to know, beforehand and before even getting somewhere. I always wanted to know what was going to happen once we arrived at point B, when we hadn’t even gotten through point A, properly. So, obviously we didn’t even know if there was going to be a possible ‘point B’, but, damn my curiosity I wanted to know what was for us at point B!
And, quite honestly, men have never been the curious kinds when it comes to serious relationship questions. Sexually, bring it on; but, emotionally, it peeves them. I think I know why. Here are these creatures; sons of Adam, enjoying and living their life, one moment at a time, frivolously, without thinking of any consequences; hell, without thinking, at all!
I was recently watching one of Russell Peters’ videos on how men do NOT think. It’s like you actually find a blank static in their head. It’s not even a wall. It’s just blank. In the most there’ll be these psychedelic zigzag lines. But, that’s about all you’ll find. I am making small and, absolutely irrelevant conversation, here.
Getting back to the pressing topic of curiosity in a relationship; please don’t confuse it with clinginess, or being needy. Those are two very different terms with entirely different meanings.
Curiosity harbours it all!
The point is I want to know too much, too soon! And that’s where I lose control – over my head and the urge to simply know. That’s the downfall of me.
So, I’ve stopped letting the curiosity get the better of me, at least most of the time. I figured that if I make up my mind, once and for all, about what I want, I won’t be tempted into curiosity. Once I figure out, that this point, right here, where we’re standing right now, is all we are ever going to be, is everywhere that we are ever going to get, I won’t be tempted to think about any ‘further’ because there will be no ‘further’!
So, I’m using this philosophy with my relationships, these days. I say, “The bedroom is as far as this is going”, or “Friends with benefits are all that we will ever be”, or “There is no future to this, whatsoever”. I say it in my head, and then I say it to the person, so that, we can establish, once and for all, that, no matter how I might behave and, no matter what you might think of that behavior, this hypothetical point is all that we will ever be. And so, even the guy doesn’t freak out.
Once the demarcation is set and the boundary lines are drawn, the walls have been built, the curiosity is nipped in the bud. When you can’t see anything ahead, there is nothing ahead.
So, when you get ahead, you’ll think about it later; or you might just run a static line in your head. Either way, without the unnecessary and unwanted curiosity, you’ll have more fun. You’ll have bed-breaking, uninhibited sex and you’ll be happier because you know that you don’t have to conform to any kind of behavior, or prove anything at all. It ends where it begins. Follow this philosophy, and you get endless pleasure, satisfaction and a healthy equation!
At least, that’s what I get.